2019
Jou Beroerte
Ek voel dom, onnosel, stom...
en ha… ha… hakkel as ek praat.
Ek moet sin maak van my lewe,
om, tans alleen, verder te probeer oorleef.
Afstootlik vir jou, en die samelewing...
’n Vernedering is ek.
Al probeer ek hoe hard om te ontsnap,
te herstel van die gebrek.
Plaas jou in my verflenterde skoene -
in my lyf, in my kop, vir net ’n oomblik...
Voel my angs, my seer en onsekerheid.
Voel my vernedering, my trane...
Ons God het my nie verlaat.
Vir ’n rede moes Hy my skaad.
Want nooit sou ek, eens suksesvolle man,
oor afhanklikheid van Jesus praat.
Maar nou...
kyk tot waar het Hy ons gebring.
Tot waar kán Hy ons neem?
Ek probeer hard om ’n sukses te wees -
om weer soos eens te wees...
Sien raak dat ek jou liefhet.
Sien raak dat ek nooit opgee nie.
Sien raak dat ek nog steeds, soos ouds,
die sakeman en liefling probeer wees.
My hoop is op jou, my lief...
Ons belofte aan mekaar, en aan God,
om onvoorwaardelik lief te hê -
dit bly daagliks my gebed.
Ek het jou nodig in hierdie stryd,
om steeds my kameraad van ouds te wees.
My hart is verskeur, my binneste huil in nood...
Ek verlang na jou, my dierbare sielsgenoot.
Chris M. v/d Westhuizen '2019
Naskrif: Geskryf uit die hart van my vriend,
wat sy beroerte, nood, geloof, liefde vir sy vrou,
en hoop met my gedeel het.
Nota: Die rede vir die "Jou" in die gedigtitel is omdat ’n eggenoot op die troudag belowe: “…deur siekte en gesondheid…”. Daarom word die siekte ook die eggenoot se krisis — nie net die van die een wat siek is nie.
Your Stroke
I feel stupid, helpless, numb…
and I sh… sh… stutter when I speak.
I’m trying to make sense of my life -
to survive, for now, alone and weak.
Disgusting to you… and to society -
a humiliation, that’s what I’ve become.
Though I try so hard to break free,
to recover from all that’s gone numb.
Step into my worn and broken shoes -
into my body, into my mind, for just a while.
Feel my fear, my pain, my deep uncertainty.
Feel my shame, my tears, my lost smile.
But our God has never left me.
For a reason, He allowed this wound.
For I, once a man of success and pride,
would never have spoken of Jesus - too soon.
But now...
look how far He’s carried us still.
How far He can take us - yes, He will!
I’m trying hard to be whole again,
to be the man I once had been.
See how I love you deeply.
See how I’ve never let go.
See how I’m still trying, as before -
to be the businessman, your beau.
My hope is in you, my love...
our promise to each other - and to God -
to love unconditionally, come what may...
That remains my prayer each day.
I need you in this fight,
to still be my companion, my light.
My heart is torn, my soul cries out -
I long for you, my dearest soul-mate.
Chris M. v/d Westhuizen '2019 (Translated from Afrikaans)
P.S.: Written from the heart of my friend,
who shared his stroke, his struggle, his faith,
his love for his wife, and his hope with me.
Note: The reason for using “Your” in the poem’s title is because, on the wedding day, a spouse promises “…in sickness and in health…”. Therefore, the illness becomes the spouse’s crisis too — not only the one who suffers physically.